Believe

I am sat here typing this, feeling so alone after a morning spent walking in the park (alone), coming home (alone), sitting home (alone, again).

It’s so hard to explain how you feel when the days drag so, when time feels as endless as the scrolling; when the whole world seems to be moving, but you are not.

I am back home now, hanging up my coat, wondering what to do next, the feeling inside dragging me down, not pulling me up. I have two appointments today, one for hair, one for nails. Still, I don’t want to do either of them. Despite that, I will go and do both of them.

People always say, speak to others when you’re feeling low, just talk to them. But where are these people you can talk to because as far as I’m aware, they’re no where to be seen…

I sit at my desk, wonder what to do next, refresh my emails. Still don’t know what to do next.

Then catch sight of the sky outside of the window. Among the white are tiny iridescent patches of blue. I bring my head up for the first time to focus on these little seas of blue. Focus on the hue, absorbing Myself in it until I forget my thoughts and just come to rest up there, among all the bliss of the cloud bubbles. Floating. Peaceful. With just Me, Myself, My I.

When I come back to earth, I tell Myself two words:

“Believe, Alice.”

After that, I get up, go to smile at Myself in the mirror.